What If...

Last night Ahren had a tough time going to sleep.  This is unusual for him.  He's always been a good sleeper.  Eager to get in his crib each night when he was a baby, a great napper and never, ever wakes in the middle of the night.  Tim and I always say that if we only had one child, we would think we're perfect parents - ha!  It's a good thing God reminded us otherwise with three girls!

Anyway, he was downstairs with us after the girls were asleep, complaining of a headache.  I had thought his eyes looked dark earlier in the day which is usually the first clue that his body is fighting something.  He hasn't had a headache since July and we're thankful for that.  But, when he came down last night complaining we gave him some motrin and let him snuggle with us on the couch while Monday Night Football was on.

That's when I realized...this boy is BIG!  All 70 lbs of him barely fit on my lap.  His legs outstretched almost reached my feet and he had a hard time getting comfortable on me.  He finally asked if he could sit on the loveseat and while my lap was thankful to be free from the extra elbows and weight, my heart was sad.  What if that was the last time he sits on my lap?  It's a rare occurrence anyway, he's usually too busy to sit with me or his little sisters occupy that space.  But last night when his head hurt and he needed his mom, he had me all to himself...and it just didn't feel comfortable to either of us.  I know kids grow up and I can't remember the last time I sat on my mom's lap.  But you just never know when it's going to be the last time.  You don't plan it so that you can savor the moment.  It's not like the party you throw when the last diaper is out of the box or when you finally throw out the last sippy cup.  The last time they sit on your lap just happens and you never realize it.

I suppose there is a obvious reason kids don't sit on their parents laps - size, awkwardness, etc, etc.  But, it was a bittersweet moment that my firstborn is too big to do so anymore.  It seems just yesterday I was pinching his over-large cheeks and chasing him through the house.  Now he's too big to snuggle on my lap when he isn't feeling well.  But, I'll always be his mom and will take care of him all the same.